so its quite obvious that i haven’t been blogging for almost two months now and while it has been frustrating, the break was needed. i started this blog as an outlet to express my creativity and to share my thoughts on products i love. it was never started with monetary gain or fame in mind and that still holds true to this day. i say that to say, blogging is not my main career. outside of napps & sass, i’m a full time nurse and have been for the past7 years. over the past two years however i’ve been enrolled in grad school completing my masters for my nurse practitioner degree. in december i’ll be graduating and while i am excited about the light at the end of the tunnel, i have to say, these past two years have been very distressing.
going into grad school, i knew it would be challenging. a masters degree is no small feat and i knew i needed to manage my time carefully. i knew there would be times when i wouldn’t be able to enjoy leisure activities or spend time with my family, but nothing prepared me for the past 6 months where i lost control of how i wanted things to be. suddenly i felt like i didn’t have the time to do anything. time was certainly not on my side. i was missing important life events in my friends and family’s lives, i wasn’t available to do anything fun and i was ALWAYS tired. no matter how far i worked ahead, school work would always catch up with me. i was finding my self not being able to sleep at nights because i was so anxious about what i wouldn’t be able to get done the next day. i failed at balancing my personal and social life completely. studying took up my majority of my time in addition to my internships. going part time or completely quitting my job was not an option for me. i’m a single woman, with bills and needed to make money to sustain myself. my personal life was honestly in shambles and depression/anxiety quickly set in. honestly, i was not taking care of my self and deep down i knew the time would come when my body would just be like, fuck it. i’m done.
i soon realized that something had to give and unfortunately it would have to be my blog. i had a blog schedule that i kept up with for a while, but the time came where i had to step back, re-evaluate my life and decide that it was time to put napps & sass on the back burner. of course there were days where i could write a post for the heck of it, but i knew i would be doing it “just because” and not because i had was inspired to. i refuse to post ‘just because”. i love to sit and give my all to a post. i put a lot of work in creating quality content and i didn’t want to put out content that was half assed. it wasn’t fair to the people who read my blog.
writing for me is my vice away from life’s chaos. if i weren’t a nurse, i would be a journalist or a writer for vanity fair (i love that magazine). some people love to travel, i love writing ( & some traveling too), but you get my point.
stepping away from the blog added to the mounting depression i was experiencing, but i kept telling my self, it was for the best. i simply cannot manage all that i have to do and succeed. theres just so many hours in a day and everything i needed to accomplish would not happen in 12 hours.
i channeled by energy in keeping up my GPA, working and learning everything i could during my internships. at the end of the day, my job is to keep my patients safe and become a reliable and knowledgeable nurse practitioner. whether i post every 2 days or once a month, my blog would always be there. i needed to sacrifice time away from posting to work on more pressing things such as not failing out of grad school or loosing my job – which by the way affords me the opportunity to even have a blog.
it’s been a couple day since i have been on break from school and i’ve taken the time to really reflect on the past 3 months especially. while a lot happened in the past 6 months, majority of the challenges were packed the last 3. sometimes life just happens and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it really. you just have to work with the cards you have been dealt and make the best of it.
i’ve learned in the past couple to months to really appreciate the here and now. trying to worry about things that’s suppose to happen two days from now is not worth it. yes it’s good to plan and be on top of things but sometimes what happens tomorrow, or the next day is totally out of your control.
my plans for my little blog is to obviously continue growing it, but certainly at my own speed. i want to keep a schedule but i know, currently with me entering my final semester of this degree, i won’t be able to. to avoid the added pressure of meeting a deadline, i’ll go back to posting at least once a week. i know my readers will probably understand the needed break but as someone who is usually always on top of her shit, learning to let it go and do what i can with the time i have has been a challenge.
i’m excited for the next couple weeks as i create more content for the blog. the blessing in all of this is that i was able to continue testing out products. with skins are for example, you need ample time to put things to the test and that is exactly what i did. i’ve learned a valuable lesson about not trying to keep up with the joneses of the blogging world… not that i try to but, there sometimes comes a point where you feel like you need to keep up or people won’t want to read your blog. i appreciate everyone who reads this little corner of the internet and have expressed how they’ve missed my postings. it really made me feel good about starting back up. i hope this post inspires someone, anyone who has been in a similar situation with life taking a left turn.
there’s always going to be shit going wrong and things happening way out of your control, but in the end try not to lose your self or your values. how you overcome the obstacles, unforeseen or not, is what matters.